THE THREE STOOGES VS. THE EVIL EMPIRE
OR HOW WE LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB

Larry: "Wait a minute! What're you gonna do?"
Moe: "Nothin', what about it?!"
Larry: "Oh, I just thought I'd ask."

~ The Three Stooges.

Lots of interesting news is coming out of the Evil Empire these days. No, I don't mean Russia; I mean the Islamic Republic of Iran.

First of all, the Evil Empire finally admits to duping the West. I suppose that this will only be of interest to Europeans, since they appear to be the ones who have been duped. Indeed, they are stupid enough to be duped, particularly the Three Stooges: France, Germany and Britain. Former Head Liar for the Evil Empire's nuclear negotiating team, Hassan Rowhani, admits that he did what Iranians do best--lied--to the Three Stooges. From the Telegraph:

In a speech to a closed meeting of leading Islamic clerics and academics, Hassan Rowhani, who headed talks with the so-called EU3 until last year, revealed how Teheran played for time and tried to dupe the West after its secret nuclear programme was uncovered by the Iranian opposition in 2002.

He boasted that while talks were taking place in Teheran, Iran was able to complete the installation of equipment for conversion of yellowcake - a key stage in the nuclear fuel process - at its Isfahan plant but at the same time convince European diplomats that nothing was afoot.

"From the outset, the Americans kept telling the Europeans, 'The Iranians are lying and deceiving you and they have not told you everything.' The Europeans used to respond, 'We trust them'," he said.

"We trust them!" Thank you, Three Stooges! You just brought the world closer to annihilation. I suppose that if, or when, anyone has to go in and do the dirty work necessary to destroy the nuclear threat of the Evil Empire, the Three Stooges will not only not help, but they will do all possible to prevent any destruction of the Evil Empire's nuclear facilities. I'm willing to bet that Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee of the region, Turkey and Pakistan, will take the side of the Three Stooges.

The next line in the Telegraph's article is pretty revealing for what it says about the Telegraph's ignorance, and what it says about the Evil Empire's nuclear status:

Revelation of Mr Rowhani's remarks comes at an awkward moment for the Iranian government, ahead of a meeting tomorrow of the United Nations' atomic watchdog, which must make a fresh assessment of Iran's banned nuclear operations.

The fact is that it does not come at an awkward time for the Evil Empire because the meeting is only with the UN's IAEA, yet another limp, impotent and totally irrelevant organ of an equally limp, impotent, and totally irrelevant organization. The timing of the Evil Empire's statements is perfect, because it means the Evil Empire is much farther along in it's timetable to produce nuclear weapons than anyone had imagined. Hassan Rowhani would not have revealed this information if it were not so, therefore the Evil Empire has crossed the point of no return.

The Evil Empire's current Head Liar for nuclear negotiations, Ali Larijani, boasts that the Evil Empire will not be intimidated. Hilarious! Can anyone remember the last time the Three Stooges ever intimidated anyone? Take a look at this, from Iran Press News:

"Time is running out," German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier said after two hours of talks in Vienna that had been requested by Larijani.

"If we want success we have to act now," he said.

[ . . . ]

The Vienna talks, which also included Britain, France and EU foreign policy supremo Javier Solana, were held "in a constructive atmosphere, but finally we were unable to reach agreement," Steinmeier said.

What kind of double-speak does the Three Stooge Foreign Minister engage in here? Talks were in a "constructive" atmosphere but nothing happened? I guess they weren't so constructive after all then, were they Mr. Three Stooges Foreign Minister?

Steinmeier needs to change his use of the present progressive tense to the past tense in reference to "time running out."

Two items of interest can be found at the Welcome to East of Kurdistan blog. The first is a statement by Reza Phalavi, speaking at Washington's National Press Club and the next item down is a CNN report about the US State Department opening a new office to deal with the Evil Empire and promote "democratic transition" within it. The US State Department?? Weren't they the same ones who were taken hostage by the Evil Empire back in 1979? How are they supposed to be experts when they didn't see it coming then?

I wonder if Reza Pahlavi is involved with this latest waste of taxpayers' dollars by the State Department? I noticed that he is referred to as "the shah" in the article at Iran Press Service. I thought he had sworn off any claim to the Peacock Throne. I guess not.

I also noticed that he repeats the idea that, "We can liberate Iran ourselves." You've had 27 years to liberate the Evil Empire yourself, shah, are you waiting for a written invitation? I don't think Ahmadinejad is going to send one, because he doesn't strike me as a man with any social graces.

The last news item of interest from the Evil Empire is the most interesting of all, in my opinion, mainly because it confirms something I have suspected for some time. It is a letter from political prisoners within the Evil Empire, condemning Shirin Ebadi. Yep, Shirin Ebadi. She is remembered as the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize winner, which is another example of what expert liars the members of the Evil Empire are--or of how stupid Europeans are. The entire condemnation can be read here. The point of the condemnation is this:

. . . Her newfound financial and political influence, has afforded her the distinction to champion and openly talk about the immeasurable human rights violations in the Islamic Republic of Iran; after all she has become recognized by international human rights organizations around the world as an authority on such issues.

Before her winning the award however, she was a lawyer who had spent 25 days in prison and had been unconditionally released after signing a letter, repenting for her charges; therefore no one expected anything from her.

However, now, given all the above-mentioned reasons one would hope and expect more from her. As of late however, her interviews, speeches, articles and reports have taken on a very conservative tone. In recent days as well, on the occasion of the execution of political prisoner, Hodjat Zamani, she not only did not condemn the execution, she simply ignored it.

We are certain that she does not truthfully report any of the atrocities committed by the Islamic regime to western leaders and various human rights establishments who are in contact with her.

Thus the confirmation of my suspicion that, all along, Shirin Ebadi is nothing more than a fat Persian cow who permits herself to be milked by the mullahtocracy solely for the purpose of PR, solely to dupe the Three Stooges, among others. She is bought and paid for by the Evil Empire. Period.

Not only does Shirin Ebadi, bovine tool extraordinaire, refuse to speak of political prisoners in Iran, she never made any statement against the Evil Empire's attacks last summer on Kurds under occupation, nor has she done so recently, in similar attacks against the Kurdish people by the Flying Monkeys of Ahmadinejad.

What might happen if the Evil Empire came under attack? Check out this opinion from the LA Times, particularly as regards Kurds:

The Kurds, who account for about 9% of the population, have been encouraged by the example of virtual Kurdish independence in Iraq next door. Their demands for autonomy are becoming more forceful, and something of an insurgency seems to have started. Very few Kurds are likely to rally around their Persian overlords.

Mmm, yeah, something like an insurgency. . .

There are two other items, both from National Public Radio, that give a hint where Kurdish loyalties lie. The first, from December, 2005, is titled Iranian Kurds Push for More Autonomy, and the second, from March, 2005, is titled, Neighboring Kurds Travel to Study in Iraq.

There is only one way to solve the problem of the Evil Empire, and that way can be found in Mao's classic, On Guerrilla Warfare. Political means and military means must be used together to overthrow Teheran by wearing them down, exhausting them and, finally, slitting their throats.

Anyone who believes that only "peaceful" means will work, should immediately apply for residency in Three Stooges Land. . . or for employment with Foggy Bottom.